Every time I get a coffee, here he is. Yap, yap, yap. I’m in no mood.

We were just discussing the latest film at the cinema. Of course I haven’t seen it. I’m more of a reader, as everyone knows, but I’ve seen enough to know, these people are not special. They are mere entertainers, not Kung-Fu masters.

He’s a Kung-Fu master of boring me to death.

Look, it’s a brilliant marketing gimmick.

Speaking of gimmick, he doesn’t even smoke that stupid pipe. He thinks it makes him look smart. I bet it blows bubbles.

The fighting, it’s essentially dance. Believe me. No one knows combat better than me.

This guy’s idea of combat is complaining to the barista.

Actors doing their own stunts, martial arts, wrestling. I doubt there is a single actor in Hollywood capable of correctly executing a proper flying drop kick. Would you not agree?

I’d agree to dropkick that smug look right off his face. Not worth it.

Interesting. Oh, look at the time. Gotta run. Enjoy your half caff half soy half oat macchiato with Splenda.